Hilarious Things My Students Say

We've all heard the saying that kids say the darnedest things, right? Years ago, Bill Cosby even had a show popularizing the phrase, with the premise of inviting kids on stage to hear the ridiculous things they say. It was hilarious! Jimmy Kimmel also has frequent skits centered around kids and what comes out of their mouths. Often interviewing them to find out things like, "Do you know any naughty words?" or "Who is smarter, your mom or your dad?" He also does a fake lie detector test on random kids that is a must see! 

Since I began teaching I've heard some outrageous things uttered by my students, and began writing them down.

I think the best part of it all is that they have no clue how funny they really are!  Sometimes they become really confused when I bust out laughing while they're genuinely expressing a thought. Sometimes they even laugh along with me, not really knowing why. 

The last five years living in Seattle as a single male, I didn't really interact with any kids throughout my day to day life. I lived and worked in downtown Seattle, none of my friends were parents - except maybe a few, but I never really interacted with their children. Come to think of it, I've never really spent any time with kids in my adult life! I'm now realizing what a travesty this has been for me personally. But I mean, when was I going to really?  It's not like I'm going to run to the nearest park and start playing on the swings with someone else's child - creepy!  I think at this point I've realized the importance of children in adult lives, and how my own association with them recently has augmented my own emotional and spiritual development - especially since these aspects of my life have taken priority after moving to Thailand. 

For me, kids are such a healthy outlet to detach from the overwhelming preoccupation that is my adult ways of thinking. In the past, work and money seemed to take center stage, worrying about the future and dwelling in the past. It's like I'd feel irresponsible or even worse, unproductive, if I took a step back to calm my mind and just simply live in the moment. Kids help teach me to be calm and lighthearted in parts of my day. They know how to live mindfully, in the now, being fully engrossed in whatever they're doing with full imagination and sincere enthusiasm - it's really inspiring to be around. 

They teach us to observe in awe the world around us, and to relish in our own creativity. They have taught me to slow down and listen better, and to not just hear someone speak, but really listen and register the thought behind the words.  Because sometimes when they speak, I'm just so fascinated where they came up with the thought!

I came to Thailand with little idea as to why, but felt a strong pull to leave and try something different. So now I'm here, and quickly learning this has become a spiritual journey, and learning how to manifest my own new reality. Meditation and learning to live mindfully is now a much larger part of this path. Teaching children is turely enhancing this learning process.

Kids are pure, untainted by the deeper complexities of life, and seem to view the world through an unfiltered lens. Kids are always excited about new thoughts and ideas. They're playful at all times, and just want to simply enjoy themselves, in the present moment, right now. 

This is mindfulness!

We as adults can really learn from the endearing simplicity of children.

Kids are kind of like cats. Cats seem to see things we humans cannot. Cats randomly jump onto bookshelves and dart across rooms in what appears to be some communication or reaction to something we can't see. I think kids see things we don't as well. In their worlds, they have imaginations that don't seem to distinguish between real and fake, and empower an imagination that views everything as possible. I get a lot of joy listening to a child's perspective, and the amazing things they want to share with me. It really has been a learning experience just being around them.

In retrospect, I haven't been around kids for very long, nor do I actually have any myself.  So, many people many disagree or see my opinions differently. I'm not a parent, I know I don't know the "other sides" of kids.  There will always exist a duality in all things, of course. However, this is what I've seen in the limited time I've been around them, and the effect they are having on myself in terms of emotional and spiritual well being. 

The biggest joy is listening to them talk - about anything!  My students want to share EVERYTHING with me ALL the time. "Teacher Brian" is their favorite thing to say, sometimes for seemingly no reason at all, they just constantly demand my attention. I leave work most days with a grin on my face. They can really uplift my mood for the day, but can exhaust me as well. The teaching itself can be a challenge, getting them to listen or pay attention to their work can be a struggle. But when we get into full conversation mode, most times I just sit back and listen to the hilarious things they have to say. 

I like to mess with them too, mostly to provoke funny reactions from them. I tell my kindergarten class that I fly a helicopter to school each day and its sitting on the roof, right now! Everyone seems to loves this, and asks to ride in it. I say, "Of course! I just need gas money, who has some?" The room grows silent with confusion. They also wonder why I drink so much coffee, and I tell them its because I want to breathe underwater. So if I drink enough coffee I will grow gills and turn into a fish!  I like to scuba drive, so I tell them I don't like wearing an air tank, so I want to be a fish instead. They humor me, but they know it's not true - kids are crazy smart! 

It's a blast kickin' it with my students! 

The following are a few of the funny things my students have said to me that had me rolling!  Whether these particular statements taught me anything or not like previously mentioned, they were still worth writing down. 

1. Me: Wow, this picture you drew is amazing, how did you do it? Student: I used my brain, of course!

2. Student: Teach Brian, why is your face dirty every day?  Me: What do you mean, I showered? (Student begins pulling at my facial hair - oh, that's what you mean.)

3. Student: Teacher Brian, my stomach really hurts!  Me: I'm sorry, why is that? Student: Because you keep opening your mouth.  

4. Student: Teacher Brian, guess what?  Me: What? Student: My mom let me drive to school today!

5. Me: Let's begin with some math today, how about some addition? Student: No, adding is for kids, subtraction is for the big boys!

6. Me: What did you eat for breakfast?  Student: A lot of sugar!  Me: Great.

7. Me: Do you have any pets? Student: George (another student) came over to my house yesterday to play. Me: Is he your pet?  Student: Sometimes. 

8. Student: Happy bay, Teacher Brian.  Me: Thank you. Student: Now you look like an older gorilla! (Pointing to my arm hair)

9. Student: I need extra underwear for my pillow. Me: Underwear?? Oh, you mean a pillow case?  

10. Student: Teacher Brian, I know what the "F" word means!  Me: Whats that? Student: It means when two old people hug and they don't love each other. 

It's never a dull day in the classroom!