My Drug Addict Cousin

My relationship with the United States could be compared to that of one with a drug addict cousin. You love him unconditionally.  You enjoy the seasonal family gatherings when you get to visit with him. But more often than not, you want to keep a healthy distance. 

I'm sorry, that's just how I feel, and I have my reasons.

Traveling has made me embarrassed, but also appreciative of the uniqueness that is the United States and our "culture."  Although I'm excited to leave again, it still doesn't remove the anticipated discomfort that will surely linger after leaving some of my favorite things that are truly American comforts.  


1.  American Sports

Andrew Luck Running for a Touchdown.  Go Colts!

Sports permeates American culture in major ways.  Parents use sports as a way to keep kids occupied and out of trouble.  It was an early identity as a young male playing sports, and you begin to love these games.  Even learning important life lessons through them.

I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan.  I grew up watching football with my dad in the living room most Sundays. Through high school and college, my friends and I got to enjoy the greatness that is Peyton Manning while he was a Colt.  

These were quality times spent with family and friends.  Moments I'll never forget. Interestingly, those sports moments are talked about more frequently than other topics when friends get together.  I'll miss the camaraderie with friends, and the relationship I have with the teams.

Muay Thai will have to do for now!

   
2.  American Live Music & Festivals

The Gorge Amphitheater, George, WA

Throughout my 20s, I've been to over 300 live shows and festivals...some I remember, and some only because I saved the ticket stub.  

I went to Bonnaroo back in '06, and this was an eye opening experience.  It was like a huge music village where anything goes!  Crazy music and drug-infused dance parties that lasted all night.  Dancing under the stars with 30k others, listening to your favorite jams; it was an epic experience!  I became addicted, and traveled all over the country and Mexico the next 8 years catching every live show I could.  Like sports, these were some of my favorite memories with very close friends.  We experienced some pretty amazing, mind altering trips that were no short of life changing...and what a long strange trip its been.  

Music is important to me, and is for most people I'd think.  Music is personal, and its emotional.  The access I had to good music in Seattle was prime!  I'll miss the ease at which I can enjoy live music with all my friends.

3.  Beef, Dairy and Bread

Although eating beef in American isn't always the healthiest of options, I still cant resist it's lure.  As an American, and me personally, there is nothing better or more orgasmic than a plump, juicy cheeseburger (topped with bacon of course), or a nice filet topped with blue cheese!  Mmmmm, divine!

Whelp, so long to good beef and dairy, because outside of dining in nice resorts each time my American pallet begins to surface, I'll be without this American "delicacy" for the foreseeable future.  Eating the beef off the street here seems sketchy, and I tried a burger once, it's just not the same.  Cheese is so expensive, and processed, and good beef is just seemingly not around.  I don't think the cow is sacred in Thailand...

Result:  diet should improve

4.  Toilet Paper

Traditional Thai toilet 

People wanted to know the weirdest cultural difference about Thailand.  This is usually followed by a quick response from me, which is always the same, "the fucking toilets!"

Most traditional Thai bathrooms are like the pic above.  Thankfully you can buy toilet paper!  But public bathrooms essentially use a hose to "spray" your ass off (not a bad aye).  Then, because there isn't normal plumbing systems, you scoop water from a "clean" bowl to wash the other toilet bowl you just used. 

Sometimes you have to stand to poop. Its really awful, actually.  


5.  Reliable Customer Service

They call it "The Thai Way," where everything is done with little to no sense of urgency.  As westerners, we've grown accustomed to reliable customer service to resolve a problem right away if something is wrong or needs fixed.  When you enter SE Asia this is left at the airport, or limited to the 5-star resorts you pay an arm and leg for.  Thai people are very helpful and friendly, but don't expect great turn around times if you have a modest issue to resolve.  Don't be surprised if you are finished with you meal and your server doesn't show back up to deliver the timely bill.  Only later to find he is eating behind the bar playing on his phone without a care in the world.  No tips here, so why would he care as a server I suppose.  Its just something you accept and find patience for.  Its a good life practice, right?

6.  Consistent Hot Water

This speaks for itself.  Although, living in the tropics, a cold water shower might actually be satisfying.  Maybe I 'll just have to pay for a nicer room for these conveniences, but even still, some of the nicer spots still can still lack consistent hot water. 

7.  People Who Know Me

Of course I will miss friends and family, dearly.  A big part of that is being around people who know me and my past.  Many people I meet will be in passing, so having old friends to reminisce with will be few and far between.  I already miss my peeps!

8.  American English

Americans may not sound as cool as the Brits, this is true.  But Ill miss not having to think very hard to try and understand people speaking English as a second language or the idioms other English speakers say that I'm unfamiliar with (British and Australian English).  It will be cool to learn Thai as well, but I will certainly miss a good casual conversation with Americans about sports or politics.  I'm sure I'll know a few here, but likely will speak to more Europeans and Aussies than Americans.  Time to learn Thai, quickly!

9.  Convenience and Familiarity

It's easy when you know everything about a culture.  It's incumbent on the single traveler or new resident of a nation to be patient with new traditions and customs, and try to adjust expectations.  It will be different.  Its imperative to adapt if you truly want to immerse yourself into another culture, and learning the language and understanding the nuances will be my first step in making the adjustment. 

10.  Legal Weed   
 

WA and CO are at the forefront of monumental social progress in American society with legalizing recreational weed.  I was one able to vote it in here in WA, the first of two states to fully legalize it!  Really, the only places in the world to do so!  That's pretty bad-ass, even for America!  It was a contentious bill, so I felt like my vote mattered, which is always something I didn't always believe.

Now, downtown Seattle smells of freshly sparked dubbies each morning  on my walk to work...freedom!

The Times They Are A-Changin'

So, my name is Brian, I'm 30 years old living in Seattle doing online marketing at a technology company.  (Bear with me, I'm not a writer) 

Working at a fast growing tech start-up in Seattle is exciting and full of its own opportunities!  The company I work for is young and successful, with many very intelligent people at the helm carefully positioning the company to one day go public.  The last four years in Seattle have been the most formative of my life, attributing most of this to my time spent at this great company. 

After leaving my home in Indiana five years prior, having never been to Seattle or the Pac NW before, this company gave me a home and genuinely opened their arms to me encouraging my success.  Who thought a company could have such an effect?  This one really did, at least for me. 

View from office window-1/3/2014

However, as I write my very first blog post, I feel a rising anxiety as I reflect on the fact I’ve just put in my two weeks notice, and now, leaving my home for good!

After returning from a month long backpacking trip through Thailand, I returned a different person, a forever changed man with an unexpected new perspective of my life.

Stepping  to my computer (yes, I have a standup desk) the following Monday morning after I returned, sifting through a months worth of email, I realized...this isn't for me anymore.  

This was a new and uncomfortable revelation. It seemed, well, of course I feel miserable coming back after a month vacationing, everyone feels this way...so what was so different about this trip?  Well, nothing really, or at least I thought.   

I love Seattle!  I sometimes think Seattleites talk poorly about the weather just so others don't move here.  As I write this, the entire Midwest and East coast of the US are under a few feet of snow and without power.  

It's a nice day today in Seattle.

View from Kerry Park

Seattle boasts beautiful mountain ranges, exotic coast line, rainforest, desert, and huge freshwater lakes.  There's nothing limiting about living in this impressive state.  I learned to snowboard here and it continues to be a passion of mine.  It'll be really hard to not board in these stunning mountains in the foreseeable future.  

I've made great friends, and have met many inspiring people here in Seattle.  I'm genuinely happy living here in the Pac NW and thought I'd never leave...until now. 

Mt. Pilchuk, WA

Shi Shi Beach-WA Coast

2013 has certainly been a year of many changes for me.  

After ending a troubled relationship with an ex, I began seeing a psychologist about some personal set-backs I wanted to overcome (battle my demons), and thought this would be a good option since my insurance covered it.  

This was a profound experience, and really helped!  I would totally recommend it to anyone.  I told Ron I felt like we were the movie "Good Will Hunting."  He was a good dude, smart old hippie from the 60s. 

Around this time, I was introduced to meditation, and someone suggested I read a book called, "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" by Joe Dispenza.

This book taught me how to understand meditation, how to practice in my daily life, and to literally change my thinking through positive energy.  

I began meditating as often as I could. 

At first, nothing was happening.  It wasn't until things started to slow down in the chaos of my daily routine when I realized I was changing.  I felt I could handle anything, and that nothing could bring me down.  My priorities became clearer, and things seemed to be easier to handle.  I felt genuinely positive about life, and stress seemed to slowly fade. 

Learning to channel my positive energy back into the worls has helped me feel more connected, and has lifted my subconscious to new levels of clarity. 

Now this feels like real change!

Being single and 30, I decided I wanted to travel the world a bit before any new life changes happened.  I wanted an adventure, and something I'd never done before, like travel alone! 

So last April, I traveled solo through Costa Rica, my first time extensively traveling alone.  I traveled through La Arenal, hiking up the volcano (on a torn acl mind you) swimming in the crater Cerro Chato at the top.  Zip-lined through the famous cloud forests of Monteverde, and beached bummed it up at the Rastafarian beach town of Montezuma.  It was amazing meeting people from all over the world, listening to others' travel stories and adventures really woke the travel bug in me.  

Hike up La Arenal (active volcano)

Soon after I returned to work, I realized I still had substantial vacation time available.  I quickly booked another trip, this time to Thailand, for a month!  How I was able to get this approved with work is beside me, but further illustrates how awesome this company really is.   

Thailand is nothing short of amazing!  Without going into too much detail about the trip, I can pretty much conclude this was the most life altering, perspective expanding, spiritual trip I'd ever experienced.  

I felt so alive and in my element while there.  I had no initial plans for this trip.  I wanted to "wing it," and try to figure out everything on the fly.  THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TRAVEL!!  I would literally only book places one night at a time, leaving the opportunity to move on whenever with ease.  Most think this would be a stressful way of traveling!  It's actually just the opposite, and opens to you to many other possibilities and people.  I personally encountered many travelers who would go to these information brokers around the country, that would book your entire trip for you (for a commission), basically choosing where you stay, the amount of time spent places, your transportation, and the inability to make any plan adjusts along the way.  No thanks, that sounds stressful!  

Successful travel attitude:  No plans are the best plans!

Keeping my options open at all times allowed me to experience things I never thought I'd do.  

The best example would be when I left Bangkok to travel down to Koh Tao (small island in the Gulf), taking an overnight train and ferry to the tiny island.  On the ferry, I met two people from Portland, OR (small world), and we decided to hangout together later on the island.  Jason asked me, "So are you scuba certified, and plan to dive in Koh Tao?"  I didn't think much of it, and thought that would be a lot of money, so didn't plan to.  Come to find out getting certified on this island is the cheapest in the world, and would be asinine for me not to.  I succumbed to the peer-pressure and signed up with Jason and Michelle to get our scuba certification.  

Jason, Michelle and I 

We completed the certification process, and was so excited I actually went through with it.  I felt I was actually productive while on vacation- at least that was the praise I gave myself for not excessively drinking on the beach each day.  I never would've done this if not for meeting a very convincing guy from Portland who made me feel I'd miss a great opportunity if I didn't...he was so right!

The freedom I felt traveling this way opened my eyes to so much opportunity and so many different people.  I met many ex-pats along the way with amazing stories about how they ended up in Thailand, how they make a living as a nomad, and the amazing things some people were doing.  

I found the more people I talked with from other cultures, the more I began to reexamine my own personal values and country differently.  I realized the way I thought about my life, how I live, and the decisions (or lack thereof) I make are all predicated on fear! 

As an American, at least for me in the majority of my life as one, I've made my decisions based on fear!  The fear of the unknown and not having predictable control of my life was not an option.  You know, that 5 year plan we're all suppose to have?  

I spent sleepless nights stressing about what exactly that was, and what I was suppose to achieve.  Constantly compareing myself to others who are doing this or that, never feeling fully satisfied in my own accomplishments.  

Traveling helped me re-prioritize this fear, and the more thought I gave it, the more I realized how paralyzing the fear can be.  Then I began to realize I'm not that scared of the future at all really.  With the help of meditation, I began to calm my mind which helped me focus on what really made me happy.  

The fear of the unknown is very scary for most, and once very debilatating for me, but not knowing the future is always the case for each and every person.  It's just how we choose to approach it.   

Life is too short, and I'm the only one that has to wake up in my life each morning.  I'm in charge of my own happiness.  It's my fault if I don't feel fulfilled in my own life. 

I've heard all this before, but something felt different about how I was receiving these thoughts.  I continued to reevaluate my priorities and what actually mattered in my life.  I meditated on these thoughts for weeks.

On my flight back to Seattle from Tokyo, I was in complete disarray.  I felt I was leaving too early.  I felt uncomfortable returning to work and continuing to follow my same mundane routine.  I was exposed to too much traveling, and this life was just not up to par anymore.  I couldn't escape the thoughts of moving back to SE Asia.  I was losing sleep, often pacing in my living room deep in thought, sometimes dreaming about moving back to travel more.  It was consuming my every thought.

The personal growth I experienced over the last year and a half, and even in just the last month in Thailand, was only the beginning of my individual transformation.  I could feel myself changing.  I was genuinely happy in Seattle my entire time there, but I couldn't escape the draw to something else.

After about a month back in the States, I go into my boss' office for our weekly 1:1, and she casually asked how I was still adjusting back.  Now, I was about 50% sure I was moving at this point, but the "fear" of the unknown and lack of a plan was stalling the decision making process.  I wasn't ready to quit just yet, I had too many unanswered questions to just move right now.  If I move to Thailand what do I do for work?  Do I have enough money?  When do I return, or do I?  Do I want to quit this great job with a company about to go IPO, leaving stock options on the table?  I'm really happy in Seattle, I have a great network here, can I just leave this behind?  I won't be able to snowboard, can I handle that?  

But it was the answer to one question alone that made the decision the easiest one in the world for me:  Do you feel inspired anymore?  No, I don't.

Well, then it's time for a change.  

After a momentary delay, I responded to my boss' question with a 35min long regurgitation of my hopes and dreams to travel, and the fact that my inspiration now lives somewhere else.  I wanted to show this company the same respect they showed me and be as forthcoming as I could, especially as they were planning big things for the new year.  The news literally spilled out of me, even though I wasn't 100% this was what I was going to do.  My gut instinct took over, and it all happened the way it was suppose to.  A heavy weight lifted off of me like never before, I felt honest with myself and my life...finally. 

I suddenly realized the biggest part of this decision has just been made, and it's now official, I'm moving to Thailand.