Hilarious Things My Students Say

We've all heard the saying that kids say the darnedest things, right? Years ago, Bill Cosby even had a show popularizing the phrase, with the premise of inviting kids on stage to hear the ridiculous things they say. It was hilarious! Jimmy Kimmel also has frequent skits centered around kids and what comes out of their mouths. Often interviewing them to find out things like, "Do you know any naughty words?" or "Who is smarter, your mom or your dad?" He also does a fake lie detector test on random kids that is a must see! 

Since I began teaching I've heard some outrageous things uttered by my students, and began writing them down.

I think the best part of it all is that they have no clue how funny they really are!  Sometimes they become really confused when I bust out laughing while they're genuinely expressing a thought. Sometimes they even laugh along with me, not really knowing why. 

The last five years living in Seattle as a single male, I didn't really interact with any kids throughout my day to day life. I lived and worked in downtown Seattle, none of my friends were parents - except maybe a few, but I never really interacted with their children. Come to think of it, I've never really spent any time with kids in my adult life! I'm now realizing what a travesty this has been for me personally. But I mean, when was I going to really?  It's not like I'm going to run to the nearest park and start playing on the swings with someone else's child - creepy!  I think at this point I've realized the importance of children in adult lives, and how my own association with them recently has augmented my own emotional and spiritual development - especially since these aspects of my life have taken priority after moving to Thailand. 

For me, kids are such a healthy outlet to detach from the overwhelming preoccupation that is my adult ways of thinking. In the past, work and money seemed to take center stage, worrying about the future and dwelling in the past. It's like I'd feel irresponsible or even worse, unproductive, if I took a step back to calm my mind and just simply live in the moment. Kids help teach me to be calm and lighthearted in parts of my day. They know how to live mindfully, in the now, being fully engrossed in whatever they're doing with full imagination and sincere enthusiasm - it's really inspiring to be around. 

They teach us to observe in awe the world around us, and to relish in our own creativity. They have taught me to slow down and listen better, and to not just hear someone speak, but really listen and register the thought behind the words.  Because sometimes when they speak, I'm just so fascinated where they came up with the thought!

I came to Thailand with little idea as to why, but felt a strong pull to leave and try something different. So now I'm here, and quickly learning this has become a spiritual journey, and learning how to manifest my own new reality. Meditation and learning to live mindfully is now a much larger part of this path. Teaching children is turely enhancing this learning process.

Kids are pure, untainted by the deeper complexities of life, and seem to view the world through an unfiltered lens. Kids are always excited about new thoughts and ideas. They're playful at all times, and just want to simply enjoy themselves, in the present moment, right now. 

This is mindfulness!

We as adults can really learn from the endearing simplicity of children.

Kids are kind of like cats. Cats seem to see things we humans cannot. Cats randomly jump onto bookshelves and dart across rooms in what appears to be some communication or reaction to something we can't see. I think kids see things we don't as well. In their worlds, they have imaginations that don't seem to distinguish between real and fake, and empower an imagination that views everything as possible. I get a lot of joy listening to a child's perspective, and the amazing things they want to share with me. It really has been a learning experience just being around them.

In retrospect, I haven't been around kids for very long, nor do I actually have any myself.  So, many people many disagree or see my opinions differently. I'm not a parent, I know I don't know the "other sides" of kids.  There will always exist a duality in all things, of course. However, this is what I've seen in the limited time I've been around them, and the effect they are having on myself in terms of emotional and spiritual well being. 

The biggest joy is listening to them talk - about anything!  My students want to share EVERYTHING with me ALL the time. "Teacher Brian" is their favorite thing to say, sometimes for seemingly no reason at all, they just constantly demand my attention. I leave work most days with a grin on my face. They can really uplift my mood for the day, but can exhaust me as well. The teaching itself can be a challenge, getting them to listen or pay attention to their work can be a struggle. But when we get into full conversation mode, most times I just sit back and listen to the hilarious things they have to say. 

I like to mess with them too, mostly to provoke funny reactions from them. I tell my kindergarten class that I fly a helicopter to school each day and its sitting on the roof, right now! Everyone seems to loves this, and asks to ride in it. I say, "Of course! I just need gas money, who has some?" The room grows silent with confusion. They also wonder why I drink so much coffee, and I tell them its because I want to breathe underwater. So if I drink enough coffee I will grow gills and turn into a fish!  I like to scuba drive, so I tell them I don't like wearing an air tank, so I want to be a fish instead. They humor me, but they know it's not true - kids are crazy smart! 

It's a blast kickin' it with my students! 

The following are a few of the funny things my students have said to me that had me rolling!  Whether these particular statements taught me anything or not like previously mentioned, they were still worth writing down. 

1. Me: Wow, this picture you drew is amazing, how did you do it? Student: I used my brain, of course!

2. Student: Teach Brian, why is your face dirty every day?  Me: What do you mean, I showered? (Student begins pulling at my facial hair - oh, that's what you mean.)

3. Student: Teacher Brian, my stomach really hurts!  Me: I'm sorry, why is that? Student: Because you keep opening your mouth.  

4. Student: Teacher Brian, guess what?  Me: What? Student: My mom let me drive to school today!

5. Me: Let's begin with some math today, how about some addition? Student: No, adding is for kids, subtraction is for the big boys!

6. Me: What did you eat for breakfast?  Student: A lot of sugar!  Me: Great.

7. Me: Do you have any pets? Student: George (another student) came over to my house yesterday to play. Me: Is he your pet?  Student: Sometimes. 

8. Student: Happy bay, Teacher Brian.  Me: Thank you. Student: Now you look like an older gorilla! (Pointing to my arm hair)

9. Student: I need extra underwear for my pillow. Me: Underwear?? Oh, you mean a pillow case?  

10. Student: Teacher Brian, I know what the "F" word means!  Me: Whats that? Student: It means when two old people hug and they don't love each other. 

It's never a dull day in the classroom!

Well, I've Never Done This Before

So, I need a job.  

I certainly moved here with money in my poket, but I clearly lack the long-term financial luxuries like a pension or retirement, and certainly don't have any windfall of expendable cash, therefore I'll need some income flowing. Thailand may be inexpensive, but I want to live here a while and not burn through all my savings. So, the obvious next step...

Get a J.O.B.  

I didn't move here to find another 9-5, of course.  Because frankly, the one I quit back in Seattle would be impossible to beat here.  Redfin is just an awesome place to work, period! 

I moved here to do something different.  I want to live, and make a living doing something unique I've never done before...or couldn't otherwise do back in the States.  After some preliminary research before I left, I knew English teachers were always in high demand. Seemingly, this is the best option for making decent money too (comparatively speaking), and something that would likely be more personally rewarding than a desk job.

This was where I'd start.

I put together a "teacher" oriented resume, and hit the pavement in search of a job.  This wasn't necessarily as easy as I thought it would be. 

Chiang Mai is the epicenter for quality education in SE Asia, so teaching jobs are highly competitive.  I have zero experience teaching anyone anything, although in college I was a mentor for disadvantaged inner-city youth for a year, but nothing related to classroom experience.  After realizing this harsh reality of the competitive job market I'm trying to enter, and drained from my exhausted efforts applying for jobs around town, I knew I needed to beef-up the resume.  

Of course, volunteer teachers are always welcome in most schools.  After speaking with a few people, volunteering experience seemed like my only option towards landing a paid position. One high school I found and applied to, allowed me to sit-in on a few classes to get a feel for teaching a class of 40-something kids! This was overwhelming to say the least.  

Madd props to the teachers out there who do this day-in and day-out, it's exhausting work! 

In the meantime, my Thai friend BeBe began reaching out to her personal/work contacts for me, in response to my obvious desperation to find work.

She surprisingly found me a lead rather quickly.  She told me all the necessary details over the phone. When she told me the job, I was a little apprehensive.  This was something I've clearly never done before.  I thought about not doing it, but at the same time, sounded like some relatively easy money for a half day's work - so was listening.  

She found me a one-time gig posing in a video for the Thailand Department of Tourism.  WTF, really?!?  Apparently Thai companies, especially those in tourism, are always looking for farang (Westerners) for modeling work to appeal to Western tourism.  I think there was a degree of urgency to find someone quickly, and I was likely the cheaper option for them shooting last minute in Chiang Mai.  

Oh, and it pays one month's rent for like three hours of work...SOLD!!  I'll do it!

She basically said to dress up, look professional, and go to this swanky hotel outside the city and someone will be there waiting.  The hotel was the Dhara Dhevi!   

When I arrived at the hotel, I was taken back by the extravagance.  It was a beautiful campus built around four huge temple-like buildings in a perfect little rice field and garden area, also surrounded by villas and private lakes.  

I only had my iphone to take these photos, so pardon the terrible resolution.  

I was lead into a conference room where a stunning Ukrainian model was sitting quietly getting her makeup all prepared by a team of stylists - who were all clearly professionals.  

I thought, this was a little much, I mean, the model is clearly a pro (something you can just tell), and I'm just some random traveler looking for work and just happened to know someone who knew someone in a moment of coincidence. 

I was suddenly really nervous, and also very aware I maybe should've asked for more money - (one months rent is only $129). 

This was way out of my comfort zone!  

A few moments during the shoot, Anna mentioned my shaking hand and instructed me to calm down. I could've melted each time she said it to me too, with her cool/calm Eastern Euopean accent.  

Honestly, I don't even like my picture taken at all really - something I just conveniently remembered right then.  However, the trepidation was mixed with the excitement of doing something different, and that was really the whole point.

Plus, I couldn't stop starring at this Ukrainian girl!  

I'm beginning to think my next travel destination will be Eastern Europe...(contingent on the current crisis, of course)

The staff needed some time to prepare, and told us to walk around the property until they were ready for us.  So, Anna and I went for a walk around this place.

Let's just say this wasn't a place accommodating the average backpacker.  I'm also pretty confident this would be the last time I'd come here, being it's probably one of the most expensive hotels in Chiang Mai...I was soaking it up!

We returned to the area where they wanted to shoot the video.  They put some makeup on me (another first), and styled my hair.  They positioned us at the foot of this big staircase, and the director started shouting orders.

After about 20 retakes, and what seemed to be countless little readjustments, they finally got the shot they wanted.  This was an exhausting process, mainly because I had to hold a generic smile for more than a few minutes at a time with each retake, so after a few hours I was done with the whole thing.  

Turns out our shot will only be a 10 second spot in this video.  The video team was traveling all over Thailand shooting random clips, and would compile the collection to edit at a later date.  It was all very professional.  The video is suppose to hit Youtube in May, I'll keep an eye out.  For all the time and effort put into a 10 second clip just seemed like overkill, but hey, what do I know, I've never done this before and likely won't again.  

The experience was another addition to my recent list of "firsts" here in Thailand, so it was worth it!

Around this time, I started volunteering at the Burmese Refugee Center near my apartment. The director of the center provided free English classes, a library, and essentially a community center for the refugees.  His name was Garrett, and he just so happened to be from Seattle! 

Small world, no?

He knew I was looking for permanent work, and sent a referral over to a language school he had a great relationship with, and that also just happened to be right across the street. Apparently his word carries some weight, as I was quickly contacted by the school's director inviting me to come in for an interview.  That Monday, I came in for my interview and was hired on the spot!  I felt like things were suddenly falling in my lap, this was just perfect timing!

She told me I could work about 15-20 hours a week, teaching one-on-one English conversation classes with students of various ages.  No set schedule, and I could take time off whenever. Sessions are hourly, so that provides me the flexibility to easily control my availability.  Each session is paid 220baht/1hr, which is equivalent to about $7 - essentially what I made when I was 16 years old bagging groceries.  She also knew I had some online marketing experience, and agreed to pay me to do some light-weight marketing for the school.  

Perfect!  

I've now taught a little over three weeks, and I think I really enjoy my time here.    

For the most part, the kids are really fun.  

Man, life was just so easy back then.  

They're generally always happy and full of energy!  However, these kids are temperamental, and can drive you up the wall insane as well.  But most of the day, the kids are excited to see you and are pleasant.  They're just so simple and funny, it's really a joy to be around them.  You can't help but feel a little nostalgic at times, reminiscing of years past, back when nothing mattered more than Legos and Grandma's house. We didn't know how good it really was back then.  Adults try to simplify a complicated life, while kids are are inherently simple, but forced to complicate it.  Ignorance can be bliss. 

We can learn a lot about life from kids. 

There's obviously the language barrier, but many of the students go to high-end international or expensive private schools, where English is taught very young, so there's some baseline to work with.

I really enjoy my time at the Burmese Center as well, where most of the students are adults.  A few are Thai, but the majority are Burmese who've fled Myanmar for better paying jobs or to escape the instability in the region.  They're all really serious and eager to learn.  I presume this is the case because they are considered second-class citizens here in Thailand, and probably realize more than Thais the importance of learning English as a survival mechanism, so they're more serious about learning the skill. Learning English does lend them an upper-hand.  

The priority to learn seems vastly different between the two ethnic groups.  In some cases I've noticed that Thais try to learn and teach their kids English almost as a symbol of status (you have money if you speak English), rather than a means of improving their livelihood (certainly not the case for All Thais, of course). In Chiang Mai, some Thais seem to live pretty well-off and with relatively decent money.  The language school students are primarily upper-class Thai kids, and sometimes you can feel that parents just don't take it that seriously, but insistent their kids come 5 times a week! 

I think for now, I've secured a good situation here with some cash flow, so I feel comfortable and at ease. Ill see how the teaching goes, I imagine Ill enjoy this for the time being...or let this become the most effective form of birth control, EVER!